A lot has happened these past months, and instead of phrasing them into confusing words, I will tell, as much as possible, the truth beneath no veil.
I met a boy, who was the sweetest thing since Nerds and Wonka Bars. He made me feel like I was worth something. Like I was capable of being loved. So I tried, and with uncertain, befuddled steps, I took them with no regrets, willingly to your arms. I knew your quirks, understood what you were like, even without laying sight on you. And the casual, little things you do made my heart flutter like butterflies and the bees. I don't know what was it that you did, or how you held my attention like balloons to a 5 year old.
But what you did, threw my heart asunder. The understanding of your actions that grip me to the core, and the thing that I felt most foreign about you, is the fact that you could throw this all away without a second's thought. The fact that you would back down, to childish, trivial ways of your words.
But the only person, who could make this all right, who could make this all better, was you.
But I didn't let all my hurt, all my anger leak out of me. Passion, thriving to be heard, beating in my ears, I pour into my art form, through song, dance, sketches. I grew to live without the thought of you lingering in my head, without a part of you fused so inseperably with a part of me.
I understood, I accepted all you threw at me.
And now, I couldn't have been any better.
Because of that, I found, through losing you, the essence of you I could imagine through the fabric on my t-shirts, the scent I begun to forget led me to something new. And in so many ways, the odds began to look better and better. I begun to understand what it was like again.
That's how I found out who I was.
Weird, crazy, hyper, delusional, emotional, wild, free, out of control, quirky, bizarre, idiosyncratic, outre, peculiar, unorthodox, random.
And for that person who managed to take it all in, my funny ways, and the things I disliked, the person who I became through losing a part of me, the person who I never thought I would become.
For every single time you show that you care, and that you will love me for what it's worth, and that you trust me. God it feels like I'm being reborn again. I love you, whatever the hell it takes, however crazy this love is. I owe you that, and so much more.
