The moment the word reaches my ears , they screech to a sudden halt . I knew it , maybe it was my fault , maybe it wasn't . Reality is finally seeping into my bloodstream , and my mind finally begins to understand and hate myself for it . I look in the mirror , and all I see is a failure , a disgust in other eyes . My skin is burning with humiliation , but my eyes simply can't tear away from the horror I see in the mirror . The horror I see in me .
My fingers clenched and unclenched , and I feel my raw skin being scrapped by my nails . How come there is no pain ? I don't understand . Somehow , I don't understand anything . I don't understand why . I dont understand how . The mirror blurs , and all that's left is a water painted version of myself . My arms were drawn and elongated away from my body , wavering in a wild manner . And then . Nothing .
It was almost impossible to adapt to these changes , and now , I'm getting left behind . These things don't fit me anymore . The sad , humiliated eyes are the only things that fill my dreams . Evven those who were so dear to me remained so stubborn about their image , about what they wanted and needed me to be . There was no purpose other than what must happen to me , what I must do to change .
I stare at the mirror , but I no longer see myself . I no longer see a person with short hair , tan skin , and a fray of pimples accross her face . I see a ghost , who might have haunted me through my life . The person who I was supposed to be is still kept alive by them , and they see past me , and never noticed how much I want them to take a look , and realize that what they see is me .
They don't know how much I have tried and tried to make what they want come true . All the teases , and all the lies , these little things that they say that hurts so much . Why bear with them ? I dont know . I don't understand them enough to know why . But I know it's cause I have to . My ears are open , and their taunts remain ringing and ringing no matter how much I try to shut them out .
Some people tell me size doesn't matter , but how could it not when I hear them all the time .
Nicole (:
