126. With toxic antidotes, we'll spin in these numbered squares, a two by two romance.

It's been so fucking long since I camwhored (:

125. Heating my heart, melting my every doubt.

It's wrong.

It's stupid.

It's rash.

And you just had to.

Say sorry for your lies.

The dirt you leave on her skin.

The taint of your smell on her hair.

The imprints of you on her.

Fingers roaming till there's nothing unfamiliar.

There's nothing there anymore.

No sympathy.

No shame.

Hate, feel it in your skin.

Biting and sucking you dry.

Eyes seeking.

A distant frown.

An ugly smirk,

how adorable.

You know how we hate you now.

Go on believing this is special.

We weren't disappointed when it wasn't.

Cause we didnt believe anything.

And we're the ones who are laughing.

Not you, and your pitiful jeers.

And ugly lols.

Suck that up, bitch.

And I hope you get so stoned,

you don't ever get up in the morning.

And if you do.

You don't know where you are.

And where the heck is home.

And catch the next flight away.

Cause when we're here, and you there.

There's so much that we can hide.

And you'll never find out.

And that's makes you so fucking vunerable.

And oh, so fucking weak.

Fuck you.

Fuck you and your simple minded understanding.

And for all the pain you've caused.

Fuck you for anything and everything in the world.

And we'll let them know.

If they choose to listen.

123. Birdcaged heart, and presents with lockets.

Just found this when I was looking through my old pics (:

I know my bra strap is showing.

Shut up.

Nicole (:

122. And I know when he hears the lock turn with her rusty key, his grief will end and their lips would meet in their final destiny.

Bright umbrellas rise and twirl, the colourful sections spinning everywhere, till the colours itself weren't colours at all. Rain streamed down the windows, marking their track with little trails of themselves, a game of chase with each identical teardrops, in which they finally disappear. Crowds huddle under what little shade they have, scramblind into coffee shops, and sipping at their drinks till the rain dies away.

The clouds were dark, gloomy as nights where nightmares were inevitable, and fear seized to rest. Thoughts were foreseeable, main thoughts with tributaries running off. Thinking of home and being late, what the kids are eating for dinner, whether they have fed the cat, or are late for dates, or even just wanting to catch a series.

Faces composed, yet feelings a haze.

A candle light burning away the darkness, a shine slicing through the emptiness. It illuminates how distant the flickering eyes of the man was. His death, waiting at the gallows, hanging onto his every last sticky gasped breath, was smiling cruely, sadistic happiness shining steadily in its cold, unforgiving heart. He's done this many times, each one no different except the fact that it brings him closer to his apparent superflous death.

His elbows rested on his bare knees, the dirt affected by the humidity, they melted and stuck to his skin like mud with sweat. His mistakes has inspired millions not to do the same, his faults a reminder to never turn out to be him. He was the culprit, the merciless, cruel man who had nothing more on his mind that death and murder.

A drop of sweat dripped from the thin length of his fringe, free falling till he reached the ground, a wet splatter, a dark puddle. His eyes stung, and only then he realized thast those were his tears.

Face composed, yet feelings a haze.

And in his mind, he's thinking. Will I be late getting home today again?

Nicole (:

121. I stare at the phone, and he still hasn't called. And you feel so low you can't feel anything at all.

Got that from Yu Hui's blog (:

_____________________________________________________

Omg, I had a totally aweshume time at Adranne's house!

Haha. Umm, Tommy and Felix were the last ones to go home.

It was such a relief to change out from the cheongsam! : DD

Anywaay.

Was really cold yesterday night, frozen. Brr (:

We ate all the leftovers and ate under the kitchen table.

In the daark.

Hahaa. Then we talked and stayed awake till 5.

And still couldn't sleep after that.

Shaun was pushing me off the bed ):

We're like sticking like sticky stufff (:

And then it was already 9am.

Woke up, bathe.

At McD's for breakfast. Yummm :P

That was around 1pm. HAHA.

Played lots of Wii.

Trampoline Olympics! (:

I got a perfect 10 :D

Yay me!

My arm hurts now.

Played running, and table tennis.

And some dream race thing (:

Then went to Adwin's jam room!

His triple bass drum hit thing is so cool :D

And the bass guitar has 5 strings.

Aweshumeee (:

Played more Wii.

Sang songss (:

And, then we left.

KCG DID HELIUM :D:D:D:D:D

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

The youtube is aweshumee (:

I lovielovadover you guys.

I want helium NOW.

Jasmine's voice was SO FUNNY .

♥
Nicole (:

120. Your mama's so old, her breast milk is powder.

I can't believe I'd be leaving this bunch of crazy people for my boring hometown.

I just look forward to my angpaus.

And look forward to getting back to school (:

It's 3 and we're leaving soon.

I ♥ you guys (:

Happy Chinese New Year !

Hope you don't lose your angpaus.

Scratch that.

If you lose them, you'll remember who to look for (:

Nicole (:

119. Like a moth to a flame, we are helplessly in love.

Don't you see me here?

I'm tied. I'm gagged. I'm bared. I'm restless. I'm uneasy. I'm hopeless. I'm lost. I'm humiliated. I'm troubled. I'm tired. I'm scared. I'm useless. I'm limp. I'm frail. I'm mad. And all I'm asking for you is to look, and sear your gaze through the fabrics of my clothing, my flesh and blood, and tell me what do you see in there.

Because I don't see anything.

Not even the tiniest bit of compassion left to linger about. Can you look inside me and tell me that every vessel in my body is of blood and not grease, and tell me that my eyes water and aren't steely. Tell me that I fall and wound, and would squirm in pain rather that having no pain at all. Enlighten me again, because right now, nothing left in me feels real enough.

The more I look at me, the more I see a person, a thing, trying to strive for needless perfection. To show everyone that I'm here for a reason. Not just to hide in the wings or sit with the audience, but to be dancing on the stage with those who are looked upon as heroes. I feel as if I needed everyone to love me just cause I need to be loved.

I'm lonely, though surrounded by thousands each day. I sit alone sometimes, and no one bothers to walk over to talk to me, to ask me why I'm alone, and if they could stay with me. It feels as if I'm invincible in other people's eyes, like nothing could make me falter, or shed that smile off my face. No one expects me to break, because somehow I can't.

I don't want to either.

I move my fingers, and the sound of the sleek graze of metal rings in my ears. My thighs, my toes, my hands, my wrists, my arms, my neck, my body, they all sound the same to me. The eerie, quiet shriek of obsidian sliding against each other. And for what it's worth, I don't think I ever had sounded any different.

I subsist here. A strong shoulder to cry on, a lean body to fall on. Anything to support and uphold everyone else, except my own. I shower other's with praises, and pick thier spirits up when all is lost, but it doesn't matter when I can't even help myself.

So tell me, what do you see when you look at me?

Because I still see nothing, nothing good enough to ever be anything.

118. It's a fools gold, and nothing more than a heart's longing desire.

It's ICT.

I'm sitting next to Nasri (:

And Kale and Mori Cullen are doing retarded things on the art thingee :P

Hahaha.

Azalea says hi (:

Elle and Freancyn too !

But Yu Hui didnt ):

Mori and Kale says hi !

And Nas the magic man says hi too ! :D

I'm going to post up Gavin's Supreme Cheer Outfit sooon (:

Everyone says it's so damn sexy, right ? :P

We've got band and skit and dancing for Paramount :D

FINALLY.

I've got lots of things to do before Saturday for the class.

Grrh, no one's helping me ):

Hahahaha.

Sze Ping says hi ! (:

And Ben Whishaw says I love you :P

Nicole (:

117. Red marks and kisses, love bites and bitches.

Ben Whishaw, my current obsession :D

__________________________________________________

The new school rules.

GRH.

It’s a controversial topic, one that we could debate to no end and no one is happy anyway. The main point for having uniforms are to be uniformed. A school, a whole entire student body as one, uniformed, disciplined, regulated, an organization under a higher authority.

We wear the same blue shirts with sewn on logos, and skirts with a slit in the middle, not because we are meant to look like we belong to the school. We are the image, the impression upon outsiders as they come to visit us. They expect disciplinary to be immaculately perfect, and the students to be hung on by thin threads on what to do. We are stringed up, a jumble of rebellious teenagers trying to have a say in things that we should have the right to.

We shouldn’t be forced upon rules that seem rather ridiculous just to form our school names. We do not need to miss a days of lesson just because we are not uniformed. The school is a place of education, a place where we learn to be someone that we forever wished to be. But how can we learn when little things such as low socks make us miss classes?

Disciplinary actions must be taken, and mind you, we are the craziest most unruly group of students who –most of the time-do not think before we act. However as the process of growing up helps us find a grip on life, we should be able to think and act rationally against higher authorities that are disrespectful and rude to us.

Sure, many students have disobeyed the rules, but surely they should have some dignity to give the students a better chance of understanding WHY we are to be disciplined like mentally challenged idiots, and not boss us around like thousands of retarded babies in a play pen.

We have been brought up in a high social standard society, and it’s our own human rights to act as we have been taught. There is no student council in high school because most students aren’t capable of taking on the responsibility of becoming a president, to make way for the rest to have a say in the school rules. That’s why we have been tied up, and forced to swallow everything without so much as a word.

Uniformity can be achieved in many ways. But through drastic measures and unreasonable motives, we are left to ponder upon the one who chooses to represent the student body and speak up, because apparently, we are not heard at all.

And, btw (:

I’m not a psychotic crazy school rebel :D

Hahaha. If you were wondering (:




Nicole (:

116. Cause you know you'll be down on your knees, begging me please in your blood drenched jeans.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.


Nicole (:

114. Happy birthday, you (:

Happy Birthday, babe (:

Haha . It's been a long and tough 6 years, and this makes it 7 :D
Lols . No one loves you like I love you cause there's only one me who does (:
It's been years and years, and it seems a whole freaking lifetime away that we were only so young.

When me and Ryan we're 10, and you were 11. Haha (:
And now you're 17 and getting older :D
Happy birthday you, my first birthday blog post for you you you you you :P

Remember this doesn't change anything, though it seems like it already did.
Cause I'll still love you, so long the sun still rises in the east, or west. :d
Or something like that.

There's so little words in this post, cause there's too many words to write.

I've missed out millions of pictures of us cause my comp crashed ):

But it's okay, we dont need any (:

Here's a hug, one that you'll remember (:

*squeeze*

Lovaloviedover you and KCG and Ben Whishaw. Giggle.

Nicole (:

Summer came like cinnamon, so sweet.

Ben Whishaw (:

My lovaloviedover.

_________

Lost lovers with sad grins on their lips. Their fingers locked on their own, silently weeping, aching for the warmth of the other. Hands on the curve of her seashell ears, grazing down her silky cheek, wet with tears of regret. His eyes were glinting with the sheen of the sun, the black eating up the rest of the white. For a subtle moment, he appeared to be a grotesque creature, intentions too profound and brutal to envision.

Her thin arms were emaciated, shrunken, withering away like a brittle leaf on an autumn's day. She could no longer abide the contemplation of being as one. Tolerance ran dry and thin, patience and forebearance being the only limit she gave to herself. Angered heartbeats drummed in her chest. She was just watching, waiting.

The pencil smears on his hands drew an ugly smudged line down her face, accentuating the unsightly grimace plastered on her lips. A hand from nowhere flew past his eyes, the red mark of her hand on his cheek. An embarrassment, yet he still held her face so gently, so dear. Questions in his eyes, a longing gaze, almost as if to kiss the answer from her lips.

"Do you still love me?" she asked, challenging his look.

Her lips were pursed, but her fingers were quivering, a little shiver, but he noticed. He sat back and leaned on the seat, his tongue rolling the answer in his mouth. His head lolled to the side, and he sat there like a statue of a god, his eyes on hers.

Silently, he stood up and reached his body forward, his lips to her yearning ears.

“Without question, my love.”

Nicole (:

112. Cause your blood is sweet, like crimson on a vampire's lips.

A moment’s passing, their silent footsteps on the icy ground, so swiftly, time running away from my obscure glances. Shards of sharp icicles stare down at me, their edges tinkle like little wind up dolls, the translucent ice felt like it has already pierced my heart.

Had I forgotten the reason for my existence, my subsistence feeling like it doesn’t have any more meaning? Trapped in this ice box, beneath the glaciers and icicles, and the thought that a single move could leave the floor splattered with my blood.

A gentle wind blew my direction; beads of sweat on my chin froze up and broke into pieces as they fell onto the floor. It was at this moment where the wind seemed to tempt my fate, trying to squeeze a miracle out of my body, maybe even if I lay lifeless on the ground.

Another placid breeze, another chime of the glass shards. They mocked me with their sharp, pointed edges, deriding my assurance in ever making it out alive. The soles of my boots squeaked against the ice floor, again causing another ring of the shards.

A loud peal, ringing as it crashed onto the ground.

A sharp sense of laughter in the sultry sound of the ice, the remains of it as frost on the artic floor. Running, I tore through, covering a lot of ground by squabbling and stumbling, ice cuts all over my fingers.

Behind me, a whole storm of icicles rained down like a frost parade, crashing into the ground below, falling with grace known to no man. Their peals of laughter shivered me worst than the cold, the way they knew I couldn’t escape.

And I didn’t.

It’s just me in a thousand shards and dark crimson on the ice.

Broken, never to be saved, alone forever.



Nicole (:

110. A kiss for a quarter, a hug for another.

I'm standing at the street outside your house, watching for your shadow at the window. I wanted you never to disappear, I told you not to. "But I must," you said, conviction in your voice, not wavering for your tears. This is the aftermath of your actions, and now you can't find a way back. I told you that you couldn't suffer alone, that you musn't. "I'm here, that's where I'll stay," I cried.

But it was I who suffered the torment.

It was I who had to suffer alone.

You left me, storming out your door, racing down your doorsteps. It was I, who watched you leave and turn your back on me. It was I, who endured watching you look at someone like you did to me. And on that day itself, the person inside of my died, and slowly my body withered away as well.

So I'm here, but you dont see me.

I'm gone, and I'm taking you with me.


http://www.backintheblackbook.blogspot.com/ (:




Nicole (:

109. The sacred number of the wounded, the desolation of the army.

Everyone's crying out with reasons to be heard, but none whom seemed to have one that is compelling enough. It’s a trouncing defeat, your ugly words owning up for the things you suffer, announcing to the whole world of your grief and your seemingly endless sorrow.

Anything could snap the thin line between the different sides of a person. A wrong word, a superior glare that could set off an entire round of needless bombard of written abuse. So much bitter hate, gutless rage, stormy fury, vengeful wrath, rancorous merciless utterances, tempestuous declarations, harsh ruthless meanings, too much to take it all in and expect it to all get better.

Here my fingers end to the spinning whir of the fan in my ears, and the sizzling death of the dancing flames, and no more should be spoken.


Nicole (:

108. The red of your sins on my lips, a long snog for a fiver.

CHINA CHINA CHINA :D

Adranne Teh.

Adranne Teh.

Adranne Teh.

Justen, Lucas, Shaun, Jonathan.

HAHAHAHA.

Lucas, Shaun, Ryan, Adranne.

Justen, Ryan, Adranne.

Lucas, Shaun.

Nicole, Lucas.

Ryan, Adranne, Adrian.

Nicole.

My dad, Leon, My mum, Lucas, Nicole.

Some temple.

Ruth, Nicole.

Shaun, Nicole.

COUPLE SPOOF

Nicole, Ryan.

Shaun, Nicole.

Shaun, Nicole.

Adranne, Shaun, Nicole, Jasmine.

Ryan, Nicole.

Got a lot more to post.

Lazy.

Maybe some other time (:

Nicole (: